The Inevitable Misery of Living for Yourself – Re-blog / The Gospel Coalition

THE INEVITABLE MISERY of LIVING for YOURSELF
by Colin Smith and Kristen Wetherell / The Gospel Coalition

One of the barriers that holds many people back from knowing, being filled with, and being controlled by the love of Christ is the idea that true happiness can only be found if I am free to live for myself.

Living for yourself is the default option for every person. This means that unless something happens to bring about a change. we end up living for ourselves. The Bible says this quite clearly: “All seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 2:21).

I want you to see the absolute misery of this position.

Unhappy Boss

If you live for yourself, you make yourself both the boss and the servant. You put yourself on both sides of the ledger. You are the one who is served, and you are the one who does the serving. The demands you set are the demands you must meet. The experience of the person who lives for self is like “robbing Peter to pay Paul,” and you are always in conflict.

If you live for yourself, you will be in the strange position of beating yourself up because you are unhappy. See if any of these profiles sound familiar.

The Displeased Beauty

You look in the mirror and “self the boss” is not happy because she wants to have a more pleasing image. Though she has been woven together wonderfully by God, all she sees are the imperfections of face and body. Fashion magazines are her bible, where she goes for blueprints of how a young woman is supposed to look in the eyes of a critical and materialistic world. “Self the boss” is perpetually displeased, no matter how many hours she spends at the gym, or putting on makeup, or dressing to please the world’s tastes.

So she beats up on “self the servant” for not being pretty enough. Instead of soaking in God’s truth that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, she punishes herself with lies that say no one will ever love her. She brings to mind the fear associated with rejection from ugliness. “Self the servant” had better step up and cultivate beauty, or else she will be lost forever to a world that tramples over uninteresting people.

The Disappointed Retiree

You look at your life, and “self the boss” says he should have accomplished more. When he looks back on the past decades, all he sees are broken family relationships that have yet to be mended and years of unsatisfying work. “Self the boss” accuses him of wasting time, gifts, and money trying to be someone he never did become. He asks, Did any good come from my life?

Who’s to blame? “Self the servant” gets beaten up for not measuring up. “Self the servant” turns to drinking away the memories and holes himself up in the home. “Self the servant” resolves that his life was no contribution to anyone, so there’s no use putting forth any more effort. “Self the servant” will simply put on a mask of false contentment for the rest of his days and hope no one notices he failed.

The Frantic Executive

You consider your work achievements and bank account, and “self the boss” is never pleased. Though he is a business executive whose job is to watch over the work of others, the person he most “micro-manages” is himself. Money and approval from higher-ups determines his happiness, so if either of these is lacking “self the boss” grows even more displeased, irritated with others, and fearful of failure. When the next-door neighbor pulls into the drive with a brand new car, “self the boss” says, He looks a lot better than you. Make it your aim to match him!

“Self the servant” then throws himself into his work, trying to appease “self the boss,” make more money, buy more expensive items, and earn the good glances of others. But “self the servant” is never fully satisfied because, at the end of each day, he retires to bed no happier than when he awoke.

The Concerned Parent

You look at your children, and “self the boss” sees the opportunity for academic success, good physical health, and lifelong happiness. “Self the boss” expects perfection in her ability to guide, teach, and nurture the faith of her kids. The standard for “self the boss” is to raise children who reflect positively on all the hard work she put in for so many years.

So “self the servant” cannot understand why she grows increasingly stressed when her children make poor decisions, run into troubles with other children, or struggle in their coursework. “Self the servant” cries herself to sleep at night, wondering where she went wrong in her parenting. She’s ever more fearful for the outcome of her children, because “self the servant” has determined that their success lies in her hands.

The Hardworking Christian

You consider the fruit of your life in the past year, and “self the boss” sees good things: kindness, self-control, love. He believes that all of these have come from the many mornings spent studying the Bible, from prayer, from faithfully going to church, and from spending time with other Christians. “Self the boss” reads the checklist of good works and sees it is in good shape.

So when he realizes that the fruit of humility is missing, “self the servant” beats himself up. He then tries to understand what he must do to fix the problem: Is it more prayer? More Bible reading? More confession? “Self the servant” grows discouraged that his faith is simply not strong enough.

Unrewarded Servant and an Uncrowned King

Suppose at some point, you say to yourself, This is no good, I am living for myself and I am not happy. I’m being too hard on myself. I need to lighten up and give myself a break. So that’s what you do, but here’s the problem: You are still not happy, because while “self the servant” is off the hook, “self the boss” is no longer being served!

Living for yourself is an absolute nightmare. When you lay self out as the master, you end up being crushed as the servant. Then when you lighten up as the servant, you end up being shortchanged as the master. You cannot possibly win. And all around us is a culture that says, “Live for yourself!”

The Bible tells us that Jesus came into the world so that we can live another way: “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised” (2 Cor. 5:14-15).

It is dangerous to serve an unhappy boss and even more dangerous to serve an uncrowned king. Self is a pretender to the throne of God. What will happen to self and its servants when the true King returns?
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Colin Smith is senior pastor of The Orchard Evangelical Free Church in the northwest suburbs of Chicago and a Council Member with The Gospel Coalition. For more resources by Colin Smith visit Unlocking the Bible, where you can request a free sample of LifeKEYS Daily devotional, listen to the radio program, or browse other gospel-centered, Christ-exalting resources. You can also follow Colin on Twitter.

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Kristen Wetherell is a writer, speaker and the Content Manager of Unlocking the Bible. She’s married to Brad, loves exploring new places, enjoys cooking, and writes music in her spare time. Her desire is to glorify Jesus Christ and edify believers through the written Word. Connect with Kristen at her website or on Twitter @KLWetherell.

THANKSGIVING: My Moms Chose Adoption ~ “9 Things You Should Know About Adoption” (Reblog – The Gospel Coalition)

Peanut Gallery – 74 years ago my two moms (birth and adoptive) chose adoption and here I sit married for 48 years with two children and eight grandchildren and we are all most grateful for the choices these women made. Life itself is the greatest gift of all – sine qua non. The following article summarizes the current state of adoption in our country. I was one of the fortunate ones. Thank you moms.
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9 Things You Should Know About Adoption – click for original article

Each year in November, the President of the United States issues a proclamation to announce National Adoption Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness of the need for adoptive families and to encourage citizens to become involved in the lives of children and youth in foster care. Here are nine things you should know about adoption in America:

1. Adoption has been and remains rare. Between 1973 and 2002, the percentage of ever-married women 18–44 years of age who had adopted a child fluctuated between 1.3 and 2.2 percent. Men were twice as likely as women 18–44 years of age to have adopted a child. Among ever-married persons, men (3.8 percent) were more than 2.5 times as likely as women (1.4%) to have adopted.

2. Relinquishment of infants at birth is extremely rare. Only 1 percent of children born in the United States in 1996–2002 to women 18–44 years of age as of 2002 were relinquished for adoption within their first month of life.

3. Surveys reveal that women currently seeking to adopt would prefer to adopt a child younger than two years old, without a disability, and a single child rather than two or more siblings. (Two-thirds of women would not accept a child 13 years of age or older or a child with a severe disability.) The data also suggest that women would prefer to adopt a girl rather than a boy.

4. In 2012 there were 397,122 children in foster care and 101,666 waiting to be adopted. The average age of a child in foster care waiting to be adopted was 7.8 years old. The average age of children in foster care being adopted was 6.3 years old.

5. On average, a child will wait three years in foster care awaiting adoption. About 55 percent of these children have had three or more placements with foster care families, and 33 percent had changed elementary schools five or more times, losing relationships and falling behind educationally.

6. In 1851 Massachusetts passed the Adoption of Children Act, the first modern adoption law in America. The law is considered an important turning point because t required judges to determine that adoptive parents had “sufficient ability to bring up the child” and that “it is fit and proper that such adoption should take effect.”

7. The beginning of the foster care concept in America was the Orphan Train Movement. Between 1854 and 1929, as many as 250,000 children from New York and other Eastern cities were sent by train to towns in midwestern and western states, as well as Canada and Mexico. According to the Adoption history project, families interested in the orphans showed up to look them over when they were placed on display in local train stations, and placements were frequently made with little or no investigation or oversight.

8. Each year thousands of U.S. citizens adopt children from abroad. In 2013, Americans adopted 7,092 children from abroad. The total number of intercountry adoptions from 1999 to 2013 was 249,694. According to UNICEF, approximately 13 million have lost both parents.

9. The Child Welfare Information Gateway, a government-funded adoption information service, estimates the average U.S. adoption costs of various types of adoptions:

Intercountry Adoptions — $15,000 – $30,000

Independent Adoptions — $8,000 – $40,000+

Licensed Private Agency Adoptions — $5,000 – $40,000+

Facilitated/Unlicensed Adoptions — $5,000 – $40,000+

Public Agency (Foster Care) Adoptions — $0 – $2,500

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Joe Carter is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and the co-author of How to Argue Like Jesus: Learning Persuasion from History’s Greatest Communicator. You can follow him on Twitter.

New study: The Family Table is an antidote for child-rearing problems—and for life… (Reblog)

by CatholicismUSA, catholicismusa.com
June 10 02:05 PM

(CUSA) – The American College of Pediatrics recently released a study that demonstrates what common sense already tells you—that children are better behaved psychologically and physically if they eat their meals at the family table. They are also more stable and confident in their interactions with others outside the home.

The following report was written for pediatricians and is filled with dry statistics but it should confirm what you already know: a healthy society stems from healthy family life and the source of that life is not the government. — Ed.

(ACP) – Over the past three decades, family time at the dinner table and family conversation in general has declined by more than 30%. Families with children under age 18 report having family dinners three to four times per week. One third of families with 11- to 18-year-olds eat one or two meals a week at most together. Only one fourth eat seven or more family meals per week.

The experience at the meal table has also declined in quality with the increase in distractions such as television watching, Smartphone apps, text messaging, and telephone conversations.2 Barriers to family meals cited by parents include: too little time, child and adult schedule challenges, and food preparation.

Most parents, however, say they place a high value on family meals, ranking them above every other activity (including vacations, playing together and religious services) in helping them connect with their families and kids. Most wish they had more family dinners.

When evaluating the scientific research on the effect of ”Family Table,” it is important to take into consideration the number of family members present and the frequency of the family meals, as well as the type of study (cross-sectional versus longitudinal). Studies have found that benefits such as maintenance of normal weight, healthy eating patterns, and less disordered eating are found when families eat at least three meals per week together.

It is also difficult to differentiate the effect of overall quality of childrearing of parents who practice family meals from the benefits of the family meal itself. However, even the most rigid research demonstrates the benefits to be specific to the family table, especially for adolescents who are less likely to experience depressive symptoms if there are more family meals.

Family meals are powerful for many reasons. First, meal times impact all of our senses – the sight, touch, taste, and smell of food, as well as listening to family conversation. Family meals offer the opportunity to spend time together, reconnect after a busy day, communicate with and listen to each other, share values and ideas, and problem solve.

Family meals also contribute to traditions that tie families together. A special food for a birthday celebration, a favorite place to eat for special occasions, a cultural or ethnic food unique to the family’s heritage – these become traditions that provide meaning and context to children as they grow.

Family meals provide structure for the day, allowing children to feel more secure and safe, knowing what to expect. They also permit parental monitoring of children’s moods, behavior, and activities, providing parents with insight into the emotional well-being of their children.

When extended to neighbors and friends, family meals allow children to learn and appreciate social interactions, understand the importance of community, and experience different ideas while under the guidance of their parents.

The family table is one of the very few places that children can observe their parents interact, negotiate, solve problems, express emotions and treat one another with respect. A child’s world is mostly spent with peers and teachers; the family table gives them a chance to see how adults interact and cooperate.

Teens that have frequent family dinners are likelier to get better grades in school. “Teens who have dinner with their families seven times a week are almost 40 percent likelier to say they receive mostly A’s and B’s in school compared to teens who have dinner with their families two or fewer times a week (62 percent vs. 45 percent).”

Mealtimes offer unique opportunities for children to learn as they hear longer discussions that include explanations and narratives.

Children expand their vocabularies as they hear new words used in conversations. There is a connection between children’s language experiences during their preschool years and their future literacy skills in grade school and high school.

More family talk occurs during mealtime than during any other activity, including playing with toys and storybook reading.

Children ages nine to fourteen who have more regular dinners with their families have more healthful dietary patterns, including eating more fruits and vegetables, less saturated and trans fat, fewer fried foods and sodas, lower glycemic load, and more vitamins and other micro-nutrients.

Children are 35% less likely to engage in disordered eating.

Children are 24% more likely to eat healthier foods.

Preschool-aged children exposed to the three household routines of regularly eating the evening meal as a family, obtaining adequate nighttime sleep, and having limited screen-viewing time had a 40% lower prevalence of obesity than those exposed to none of these routines. These household routines may be promising targets for obesity-prevention efforts in early childhood.

Children are 12% less likely to become obese just by eating family meals.

Adolescents from homes where the family regularly eats meals together (more than five meals per week) have a much lower likelihood of disordered eating (weight control tactics: self-induced vomiting, laxative use, diet pills, fasting, eating very little food, using food substitutes, skipping meals, and smoking.)

[The “teen data” is particularly compelling and is a laundry list for most teenager problems that are often augmented in adulthood]

+ Teens that eat with the family eat more vegetables, fruits, and dairy products.
+ Teens having fewer family dinners report more TV watching during meals and less talk during dinner, and express that the meals do not last long enough.
+ Teens who have infrequent family dinners (fewer than three per week) are two and a half times more likely to use marijuana.
+ Teens who have infrequent family dinners are twice as likely to use alcohol.
+ Teens who have infrequent family dinners are four times more likely to use tobacco.
+ Teens who have infrequent family dinners are more likely to have access to prescription drugs in order to get high.
+ Teens who have infrequent family meals (fewer than two meals per week) are three times more likely to report that at least half of their friends use marijuana.
+ Teens who have infrequent family meals are twice as likely to know a friend who uses Ecstasy.
+ Teens who have infrequent family meals are 80% more likely to know a friend who abuses prescription drugs.
+ Teens who had more frequent family dinners were less likely to engage in sexual activity.
+ Teens who had more frequent family dinners were less likely to experience depression.
+ Teens having frequent family dinners are more likely to report having excellent relationships with their family.
+ One-and-a-half times more likely to have an excellent relationship with their mother. Twice as likely to have an excellent relationship with father. Twice as likely to have an excellent relationship with sibling(s).

71% of teenagers in one survey said that they consider talking/catching up, and spending time with family members as the best part of family dinners.

The more frequent the family meals, the better the emotional health of the adolescent, according to a study of more than 26,000 Canadian teens between 11 and 15 years of age.

Teens with more frequent family meals had fewer emotional and behavioral problems. Teens were more trusting and had more helpful behaviors toward others. Teens had higher life satisfaction regardless of family economics.

When families regularly share meals together, everyone benefits ─ the children, parents and even the community. Making the “Family Table” a priority from an early age can serve as a “vaccine” against many of the harms that come to children from a hurried lifestyle. Pediatricians should inform parents of the benefits of the Family Table and regularly encourage its implementation.

In a day when digital distractions are rampant, the simplicity of this concept can be refreshing and encouraging to parents.

Primary Authors: Jane Anderson, MD, FCP and Den Trumbull, MD, FCP

Morning Prayer: 01 Oct – Revelation 11:1-2 ~ the remnant or the church

Morning Prayer

+ In the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening sentences

Lord, open my lips and my mouth will proclaim your praise.

I arise today, through God’s strength to pilot me:
God’s might to uphold me, God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me, God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me, God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me, God’s shield to protect me,
God’s host to secure me: against snares of devils,
against temptations of vices, against inclinations of nature,
against everyone who shall wish me ill,
afar and anear, alone and in a crowd.

Revelation 11:1-2 (ESV) – to be read aloud

Then I was given a measuring rod like a staff, and I was told, “Rise and measure the temple of God and the altar and those who worship there, but do not measure the court outside the temple; leave that out, for it is given over to the nations, and they will trample the holy city for forty-two months.

Reflection

THE SECOND VISION – THE SEVEN TRUMPETS

Interlude: Measuring the temple (11:1-2)

This is a photo of a scale model of the Temple on the Temple Mount in Herodian Jerusalem, 1st century CE. (Israel Museum in Jerusalem). — This is a photo of a scale model of the Temple on the Temple Mount in Herodian Jerusalem, 1st century CE, as viewed from the Mount of Olives. (Israel Museum in Jerusalem).

Overview of Chap 11: John goes on to speak of the tremendous opposition faced by the people of God throughout the centuries and especially in the last days. He tells of two witnesses who bear unflinching testimony to the word of God and of the terrible figure of the antichrist, who however, is not able to overcome God’s people in the end. (Morris, p.140)

Interpretation: Chapter 11 has been subject to a variety of divergent interpretations depending upon how the language of verses 1 and 2 are understood, i.e. literally, highly symbolically, or something in between. Mounce’s comment is helpful on this matter:

That the language of prophecy is highly figurative has nothing to do with the reality of the events predicted. Symbolism is not a denial of historicity but a figurative method of communicating reality. Apocalyptic language has as one of its basic characteristics the cryptic and symbolic use of words and phrases. (Mounce, p.212)

At this point in our reading of Revelation, our sources (Ladd, Morris, and Mounce) diverge in their understanding of Chapter 11. And, it is beyond our abilities to resolve their differences. Therefore, it seems best to present a brief summary of each of their conclusions and let the reader decide for him/herself which makes better sense.
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The faithful remnant of Israel: Ladd understands the reference as a prophecy of the preservation and ultimate salvation of the Jewish people, citing Paul’s conclusion in Romans 11:26 that “all Israel shall be saved” and Jesus’ lament and predictions in Matt 23:39 and Luke 21:24.

When in contrast to the city as a whole, the temple proper and its worshippers are preserved, the contrast seems to be between the Jewish people as a whole and a remnant who are true worshipers of God. (Ladd, p.150-2)

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The witnessing church: Morris takes vs 1-13 symbolically, i.e. John is saying that the spiritual temple, the church, will be preserved, though it will be subjected to physical oppression as the Gentiles trample it.

It is better to think of the great city as man in organized community and opposed to God. It is another name for this world as a worldly system…. What John is doing then is outlining the function of the witnessing church. Its lot will be hard, but its eventual triumph is sure. This is a heartening message for his troubled readers. (Morris, p.141)

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The people of God: Mounce views this passage as representing the church from two different perspectives, i.e. during the difficult period lying immediately ahead the people of God will be kept safe from demonic assault although they will suffer at the hands of the unbelieving world.

For John, the temple was… “the Christian community who worship God”… the church, the people of God…. God will give spiritual sanctuary to the faithful believers against the demonic assault of the Antichrist…. The protection of believers was not security against physical suffering and death but against spiritual danger…. The distinction between the sanctuary and the outer court is a way of pointing out the limitations placed upon pagan hostility. It may physically decimate the witnessing church, but it cannot touch its real source of life. (Mounce, p.212-5)

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Canticle

Christ, as a light – illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield – overshadow me.
Christ under me; Christ over me; Christ beside me – on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me, lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak; in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me, lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light; Christ as a shield; Christ beside me – on my left and my right.

Blessing

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you, wherever He may send you.
May He guide you through the wilderness, protect you through the storm.
May He bring you home rejoicing at the wonders He has shown you.
May He bring you home rejoicing once again into our doors.

+ In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
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Peanut Gallery: In September, we will begin reading through the Book of Revelation (ESV). Our purpose will be devotional, i.e. to discover the word of blessing that God has for us in these troubled times… to find hope and help for our daily lives.

This will not be a Bible Study per se: we will not attempt to unravel the “mysteries” of Revelation… that is far beyond our abilities and is not our interest here. However, so as not to get too far afield, we will rely on three study resources: primary – A Commentary on the Revelation of John (George Elton Ladd); supplemental Revelation (Leon Morris) and The Book of Revelation (Robert H. Mounce).

The general format for Morning Prayer is adapted from the Northumbrian Community‘s Daily Office, as found in Celtic Daily Prayer (see online resources here.) On Sundays, we’ll return to the USCCB readings (see online resources here) and various liturgical resources in order to reflect the Church’s worship and concerns throughout the world. Photo illustrations and music videos, available online, are included as they illustrate or illuminate the readings. I will try to give credit and link to sources as best I can.

Morning Prayer: 30 Sept – Revelation 10:8-11 ~ sweet and bitter

Morning Prayer

+ In the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening sentences

Lord, open my lips and my mouth will proclaim your praise.

Revelation 10:8-11 (ESV) – to be read aloud

Bible in Latin (1150-1200) Source : Bibliothèque nationale de France, Département des manuscrits, Latin 16744 Description : Capucins. Provenance : bnf.fr Date de mise en ligne : 25/10/2012 — Latin Bible (1150-1200)
Source : Bibliothèque nationale de France, Département des manuscrits, Latin 16744
Description : Capucins.
Provenance : bnf.fr
Date de mise en ligne : 25/10/2012

Then the voice that I had heard from heaven spoke to me again, saying, “Go, take the scroll that is open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land.”

So I went to the angel and told him to give me the little scroll. And he said to me, “Take and eat it; it will make your stomach bitter, but in your mouth it will be sweet as honey.” And I took the little scroll from the hand of the angel and ate it. It was sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it my stomach was made bitter. And I was told, “You must again prophesy about many peoples and nations and languages and kings.”

Reflection

THE SECOND VISION – THE SEVEN TRUMPETS

Interlude: The little scroll (10:8-11)

Overview: The effect of the interlude is to set off the seventh visitation as particularly important. We are all keyed up for the climax but it does not come. This is not simply a literary device, but part of life. We cannot predict how God’s judgements will work out. They take unexpected courses. There are delays which give opportunity for repentance.

Up until now, John has dealt with the fate of sinners during the days leading up to the climax. Now he turns to the church during that time. It has duties to perform and troubles to undergo. John warns it. (Morris, p.133)

Assimilation of the message: The symbol of eating the scroll is a natural one suggesting the complete assimilation of the prophetic message…. The word of God – the message of both salvation and judgement – must be ingested and personally assimilated by the prophet, as it must be by every servant of God who proclaims his word (see Ezek 3:3; Jer 15:16). (Ladd, p.146)

Sweet and bitter: The sweetness and bitterness refer to the two-fold reaction of the prophet as he digests his message and understands it. It is a sweet thing to be close to God, to be the recipient of his word. This is true of all believers…. But as John digested his message and pondered its implications, it became bitter in his stomach.

Here is an important truth for all who proclaim the word of God. The full counsel of God contains a word of judgement as well as mercy, and the messenger of the gospel must be faithful to both aspects of his message. But the man who knows the love of God and the compassion of Christ can never take delight in preaching the wrath of God or find satisfaction of spirit in proclaiming divine judgements. He must always do this with a broken heart, with a bitter spirit, following the example of his Lord who wept over those upon whom God’s judgement was to fall. (Ladd, p.147)

The entire civilized world: John’s prophecy relates to many peoples and nations. It is the final act in the great drama of God’s creative and redemptive activity. The meaning of history comes into sharp focus at the end point in time. John’s mission is to lay bare the forces of the supernatural world that are at work behind the activities of people and nations. His prophecy is the culmination of all previous prophecies in that it leads on to the final destruction of evil and the inauguration of the eternal state. (Mounce, p.211)
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Canticle

Blessing

+ In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
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