“So let us concentrate on the things which make for harmony, and on the growth of one another’s character.”
Romans 14.19 Phillips NT
“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14 NLT
Day 21 of 40: “Divide and conquer” is a basic warfare strategy… and it’s an essential tool of the devil when it comes to the Church. “Division, conflict, and disharmony cause devastating damage in the Church”… and they are antithetical to God’s plan and purpose for the Church… and for us as well.
I’ve experienced and lived through conflict at all levels of a denominational church – national, regional, and local. Some conflict is simply a matter of personal preferences… some is a matter of conflicting goals or priorities… and some is down and dirty spiritual warfare. Discerning the difference is a necessary leadership skill.
The Church needs to be protected from all of it. But the conflicts that most of us we deal with are over matters of personal preferences and conflicting priorities. And that’s what I’d like to reflect on here.
Warren cites six remedies for division: focus, realism, encouragement, avoidance, confrontation, and support.
1. Focus on what we have in common: I did several pulpit exchanges in Belfast, Northern Ireland when the “troubles” were very troubling. The church I served was a leader in the catholic / protestant reconciliation movement. On one occasion the church hosted an excellent Catholic priest to speak to our group of assembled Presbyterians. The topic they assigned him was “Mariology.” Everyone was cordial and respectful… but there was no advancement toward unity.
If anything separates Catholics and Protestants, Mariology is it. They could have had a love-fest if we had focused on the 95% we have in common, but instead they focused on the issue that was most divisive. And these were good people trying to get along. They missed a golden opportunity.
2. Be realistic in your expectations: I easily fall into the trap of disappointment with the gap between what God wants for the Church and what God gets from the church. It’s probably somewhat akin to the gap between what God wants for me and what God gets. (Think “log in your eye.”) Warren makes the point:
“The sooner we give up the illusion that a church must be perfect in order to love it, the sooner we quit pretending and start admitting we’re all imperfect and need grace. This is the beginning of real community.”
The key here is dealing with our own stuff first. I have a lot to work on.
3. Encourage rather than criticize: There is no “gift of criticism.” It’s always easier to see what’s wrong rather than what’s right… especially in others. Would that we were all like Barnabas: “Son[s] of Encouragement.”
Criticism is destructive in every relationship. Author Helen Rowland noted:
“A woman’s flattery may inflate a man’s head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her.”
Criticism shuts us down… and makes us unwilling to try. It’s an equal opportunity offender and knows no age or gender boundaries. Criticism breeds criticism and is often passed on from generation to generation. But, it’s a nasty habit that God can help us break.
4. Avoid gossip: I have short term memory loss, or so it seems, when it comes to gossip. I just don’t remember stuff… and it doesn’t occur to me to pass it on anyways. Over the years, Barbara would hear: “Didn’t Art tell you?” Her answer would be, “No… he doesn’t tell me anything.” It’s not that I was being secretive, it’s just that when I left the situation/person… my mind moved on. I thought about other things that were more important to me.
Two points – 1. I think personal information is the sole property of that person. If they want it known, then it’s up to them to share it. 2. If a person gossips about another to you, you can be sure they will gossip about you to another. Take it to the bank.
5. Practice God’s conflict resolution process: I’m not very good at this… in fact, I’m lousy at it. Personality-wise I’d rather ignore or walk, instead of confront or correct. And in my denominational experience, there was little or no church discipline implemented… even over morality issues.
I do remember one instance when divisive folks were disciplined by our church leadership in public, i.e. by a letter to church members. We followed the biblical process and some folks left and some stayed. But that was a rare occurrence and the divisive folks had acted out in public… making it easier to deal with.
In my denomination folks have three options when a decision is made: 1. they can enthusiastically support; 2. they can passively submit; and 3. they can peaceably withdraw. On more than one occasion I have chosen the last option… and, I might note, did not slam the door on the way out – as much as I might have wanted to.
6. Pastoral support: Over the years, I have had loyal people who supported me through thick and thin. Their reasoning was: “God called him to this place, so we need to listen to what God is saying to us, or trying to do with us, through him.” Many were prayer warriors and, believe me, I needed all the help I could get.
And I could always count on my family’s support – Barbara was steadfast and resolute – no divide and conquer there. And my kids were terrific… I can’t imagine how they could have been better. When I took my college freshman son to his Christian College we listened to a Sunday sermon by one of the great teachers and theologians of that time. As we were leaving he said: “Dad, you preach better than that.” I could have kissed him. And, during a particularly difficult time for me at our church, my high school senior daughter would make it a point to seek me out every Sunday, hug me, and say: “That was great Dad.”
What more can I say – everyone, pastor or parishioner – should have the support that I have had from my family. Thank you Jesus… and bless them.
The Peanut Gallery 